Chronicles of The First Game World: The First First Age
In a time long forgotten the King and Queen of Diamonds lived happily in their luxurious land of Woodfordia, delighting in the spoils of their rich and abundant kingdom. With the wise advice of their trusted counsellor the Ace of Diamonds, the country enjoyed a peaceful and prosperous time where want, poverty and hunger were unknown.
Into this paradisiacal idyll there came a poisonous passion which forever changed the fortunes of the joined kingdoms of Woodfordia. The dastardly Five of Clubs, named by the people of the underworld Zoltar, stole from the faerie underworld a precious shiny thing with which he charmed the King and Queen of Diamonds. With forked tongue Zoltar told the King and Queen of Diamonds of greater riches to be found deep in the fortress of the earth under the Palace of Hearts.
Banished now from the Kingdom was the Ace of Diamonds, for this wise and valiant soul tried in vain to dissuade the King and Queen of Diamonds from pursuing the wealth of their neighbours, bringing conflict to a country where for many years cooperation and peace resigned. The evil Zoltar had the King and Queen bewitched and they were consumed by a passionate greed for things that remained hidden under the earth, while the Ace of Diamonds was left to wander in Nowhere Land.
Now the magic of the evil Zoltar as shown to be yet more powerful as he cast his spell upon the Kingdom of Hearts. A forbidding enchantment was woven and the King of Hearts departed his Kingdom so suddenly and completely that he was mourned as dead, where his beloved wife conceived of such a fantasy that the King had been transformed into a bird and awaited his return in a tree where she now made her abode.
With the Kingdom of Hearts in disarray, the King of Diamonds began forthwith his preparations for mining the earth and revealing the hidden treasures for which he yearned. In the Company commanded to make good the deed of mining there was division and subterfuge. Two jacks of surpassing beauty, courage and skill battled for ascendancy.
The Jack of Hearts, hid his noble intentions and for a time seeming to toil for the company of the King of Diamonds while secretly plotting to save his own Kingdom. With stealth and cunning, and yet an honourable cause the Jack of Hearts continued to serve his King and Queen and Country.
The Jack of Spades likewise joined the Company of the King of Diamonds. Not for honour or the right cause did he toil, but in pursuit of an illicit and unrequited love. For the Jack of Spades loved the Queen of Hearts with an unholy passion and wished to dispel her from the lofty arbour where she had made her home, awaiting the return of her lost King, in the hopes that the Queen would fly into the arms of the Jack.
A wandering minstrel now, the King of Hearts was not dead, nor turned into a bird. But the king believed himself, in this time of bedevilment, to be the Ace of Hearts and in the guise of a humble musician he wandered and sang with the Ten of Hearts. These two wayfarers kept the heart of love beating strong with music but knew not of what they sang.
There also lived at this time another wicked spell-maker, for the Queen of Clubs dabbled greatly in the Dark Arts. A strange and solitary woman, she turned her own daughter into a mermaid upon discovering her in passionate embrace with the King of Spades. The two lovers were left for many years in aching misery, unable to consummate their love, until a mysterious stranger, The Wild Card, was able to free them from their suffering. Sadly for the King of Spades, once his beloved had been restored her fine long legs she thereafter did run away with a younger and more lithe knight.
While the King of Spades dallied on the lakeshore, the Queen of Spades had swiftly departed the Kingdom carrying with her whatever wealth she possessed. The Queen of Spades then found a new Kingdom where she lavishly enjoyed her wealth of precious stones and metals, swam with whales and dolphins and ate organic locally grown produce. The Queens of Clubs however was greatly afeared for her life as a Ninja Assassin from the far east with black eyes was sent to execute her.
The Queen believed it was the King of Diamonds who had hired the black assassin, but it was her own husband the King of Clubs. Tired of his aloof and spiteful wife, the King of Clubs wished to woo the Queen of Hearts and claim her kingdom’s wealth for his own.
The cold-hearted and cruel plan of the King of Clubs was foiled by cupids bow. For no sooner had the assassin seen the Queen of Clubs than he fell madly in love with her strange and ethereal beauty. To prove his love and devotion the Ninja Assassin murdered the King of Clubs. But alas, when he tried to approach the Queen, she ran away in fear and his longing to be near her was forever unrequited.
The chroniclers of this tale, the Spades Two and Nine, were able to uncover all the lies and deception of the King of Clubs. These chronicles made further investigation of the evil magick of Zoltar.
Chronicles of The First Game World: The First Second Age
Out of the chaos of the kingdoms in the first age one ruler proclaimed himself master over all. The Joker, having regained possession of the shiny thing from Zoltar now roamed the land in a chariot pulled by his subjects, demanding obedience and entertainment. His will that was become law was that all things, people and animals be interesting. The punishments for boring behaviour or bearing were harsh and cruel, the least interesting were expelled from The Game.
In that time of forced hilarity, the King and Queen Hearts became the most favoured subjects of the Joker. The Jukebox Palace of the Hearts was a place of frivolity, with all singing and dancing and many promiscuous liaisons. The outrageous and glamorous adventures of the house of Hearts were a tale of interest to all in the kingdom.
In the thoughts of the King and Queen of Diamonds there was much envy of the Hearts favour. They schemed and spent lavishly to gain some favour with ostentatious displays of pomp and frippery, the extravagance of the Diamonds jazz parties were long remembered. But in the eyes of the Joker the Diamonds were ever second best.
Not all was glamour and glitter in the kingdom, as the House of Spades chroniclers uncovered the dull underlay of life in Woodfordia. Revealing many secret boring pastimes, licentious affairs that were mere flirtations and many uninteresting events The Spades showed the true mundanity of not only Diamond Palace but the whole Kingdom. This news lead to a greater terror, the Interesting Inquisition.
The Interesting Inquisition of the Knights of Interesting was a relentless and terrifying force which subjected all people animals and things to many tests and proofs in the eradication of boringness from the land. None were free from the Knights Inquisitions and their excruciating demands, failure was as likely fatal and punishment was swift.
All the while the Boring Underground Resistance plotted to overthrow the Joker’s interesting regime. The King of Spades was continuously tormented by the Joker and ridiculed for his longstanding passion for fishing, a sport of inaction that the Joker had outlawed. It was only because of their dramatic separation in the First Age and the continuing saga of their relationships that the Joker did not banish the Spades. Rather he made of it great sport.
When the King of Spades lover was restored her legs, following her spell as a mermaid under the enchantment of the Queen of Clubs, she soon left the King of Spades and ran away with a young Knight. All the people laughed heartily at the King of Spades misfortunes in love and the Joker laughed loudest of them all. Reunited with the Queen of Spades, the King was an enemy of the Joker and plotted an end to his rule.
News came to the realm by way of a rumour, a whisper that was heard again and again til it gained the magnitude of many voices. This story of a powerful Interesting thing with powers greater and more magnificent than the Shiny thing reached the Boring Underground Resistance. It was said that whoever possessed the Interesting thing would have powers greater than the Joker and able to rule the whole country.
The Joker too heard this story of a great and powerful interesting thing and in his pride he saw that he should own it. Determined that no one should stand in his way or find the Interesting thing before him, the Joker began a great search throughout the land. He threatened, he cajoled, he promised fame and fortune as he traveled throughout Woodfordia in pursuit of the Interesting thing.
A Siborian polar bear escaped from a most boring regime of the north and emerged as if by magic from an Esky in the middle of Woodfordia. This wild card applied for comical asylum and with the help of many friends he made a most unlikely bid to reside in The Game. After escapades aplenty the Polar Bear finally succeeded in his quest and at the end of the Second Age he was made a citizen of Woodfordia.
While the Joker was distracted in his search for the Interesting thing, Zoltar plotted to reclaim the Shiny thing and the power of the kingdom. With many spies amongst the Boring Underground Resistance and the Knights of Interesting, Zoltar had much information. The ever resourceful Zoltar created a new invention, a magical interesting thing finder, but in order to complete his spell he had need of many puzzled pieces that were scattered throughout the Kingdom.
The sorceress Queen of Clubs also sought the Interesting thing of which the stories are told. Harnessing all her dark arts the Queen consulted the dead, among whom numbered her husband. The King of Clubs thus called back to life did not return to the land of the dead but haunted the Clubs Lodge for the ages ever after.
Following many skirmishes, battles and skulduggery, the Interesting thing was found. A great pageantry was held and all the people came to see the revelation of the Interesting thing. And they saw a thing most interesting, an aquarium with many exotic and wondrous fishes. No sooner had the Interesting thing been unveiled than the newly ordained citizen of Woodfordia, the Polar Bear ate of the fishes, smashing the aquarium in his haste and throwing the kingdoms into turmoil.
It was thus that the chaos of the Third Age began and the end of times came unto The First Game World. See the Finalocapylpse.
First Game World Characters