King Keiff

King Keiff Kaleb Cassle was once a fierce champion in the 100 Flours War. Keiff took to the throne young and rules the Elizabogans with fairness and 'struth. Since returning from the Third Cruise Aye, he has taken to amusing himself with the antics of silly players and drinking a cold case of YYYY beer... or two.



Keiff Cassle was born in the new part of an old castle in Old Newcastle (New Old Old Newcastle) on a Friday arvo. As a young Prince, he was quite an asshole really. But as he aged, he matured into a strong young warrior ready to be king.

The First Cruise Aye:

The First Cruise Aye was the first of a number of Cruise Ayes to capture Woodfordia. It was a great historical battle between the Elizabogans and the Boganbethans more commonly referred to as "The 100 Flours War". It started as a widespread pilgrimage of Elizabogans and Boganbethans to the land of Woodfordia and ended as a military expedition by Elizabogan legions to take back the lands occupied by Boganbethans.

Prince Keiff Cassle lead the charge, scores of Trivia Knights, Vege Knights, and Open Mic Knights at his side. The two forces met on the fields of flours with devastating loses to both sides. Eventually, Prince Keiff, with Sir Trivia Knight at his side, turned the tides of war and drove out the Boganbethan occupation. After establishing a strong presence in Woodfordia, Prince Keiff's father died in tragic boating accident and the Prince became King.

The Second Cruise Aye:

The Second Cruise Aye was the second major Cruise Aye launched from Woodfordia as an Elizabogan War against the Boganbethans. After the events of the 100 Flours War, several Cruise Aye States were founded in the Land of Holes and Elizabogan forces focused on clearing out the remainder of the Boganbethan encampments. King Keiff instructed Sir Trivia Knight to "floust their bloody trousers off" and so he left with a small strike team of Knights with floppy flances for flousting (not flacid flousts for flancing) consisting of Sir Tinly, Sir Real, Sir Spense, Sir Perfelous, and Sir Cumstances. King Keiff anticipated the swift return of his best and most loyal knight and so got about to other military planning.

After a year or two, Keiff noticed that Sir Trivia Knight had not returned and so sent all the Open Mic Knights to find him. During this time at a not-so-fancy Soiree, King Keiff met a young lass known as Princess Champers who was his second cousin, once removed and was much more bogan than he was. Due to Keiff's not-so-bogan heritage he threw the Eliza' out the window and went full 'bogan, winning the hand of the fair Princess Champers who then became the new Queen of the Elizabogans.


The First Age:

The Third Cruise Aye:

The Third Cruise Aye, also known as The King's Cruise Aye, was an attempt by King Keiff to reclaim the Land of Holes from Boganbethan forces. After the devastating loss at Damn Ass Cuss, King Keiff sent legions to the important cities of Ace Err and Jaffa Cake, reversing most of the Boganbethan conquests. However, though this Cruise Aye was largely successful, all the Knights died in combat (except Sir Cus, who died of leprosy) the only survivor being Sir Mantics/Sir Trivia Knight.

The Second Age:

Upon the Elizabogans' Return to Cassle Castle, they found that the Beasts (lead by Frogo) had been squatting in Cassle Castle for the entire first age. King Keiff ordered Sir Trivia Knight to kick them out and clean up all the poop. With no wars to fight, King Keiff took to watching the Joker Elections unfold and getting Sir Trivia Knight to kill people who displeased him.

The Third Age:

During The Third Age, King Keiff, taking not much notice of the Dull, decided that there were too many beasts in his kingdom and too many players bringing beasts in by means of Escaped Goats and so began a campaign to "Stop The Goats". This culminated in Death sending his assistant Snuffles with an army of Escaped Goats to wage war upon Cassle Castle. With much yelling and prodding of flances the battle went on for a bit before everyone got tired and went home.

In the Finale of the Third Age, Captain I. Aye called upon King Keiff and Moby Rick to support him as he was being mutinied by his crew. The Sisterhood rallied against them resulting in the the Feminist Uprising dividing half of the population of Woodfordia. Devestated by the betrayal of his Queen and loyal Trivia Knight, he has resolved to git gud.


  • Keiff wears XXXL size thongs
    • The XXXL refers not to length or width of the thong, but rather the height